Stifled grief of any loss, not just a death but a divorce or lost job or home, isn’t helpful. It needs to be processed and takes time, self care and also care and understanding from those around.
I’ve heard from a lot of people after reading the book ‘The Bear Who Stepped Up’, (which I wrote about my friend who passed away and his wife’s honest grief journey) that it was refreshing to be reminded that we need to allow ourselves and each other the space and time to grieve and not to rush it or force ourselves or others to ‘get on with life as normal’ because it’s not normal. People showing honest grief seem to be rushed into medication and be seen as having a problem (not that medication can’t be helpful for some). People are just uncomfortable with pain, in themselves and others, and would rather squash it than let it out. But squashed pain is more dangerous as it’ll just pop up later in more challenging ways.
I found the book ‘When the Heart Waits’ by Sue Monk Kidd especially helpful in allowing space for those dark times and allowing and seeking healing and growth in those times.
I came across this article, ‘Stifled Grief, How the West has got it wrong’ and found it so helpful. Please read this not only if you have grieved a loved one but even if you haven’t, so you know how to walk alongside those who have.