Painting by Hilary Murdoch ©2014
As a paraglider depends totally on their parachute
To ensure they don’t fall;
As a boat depends totally on an anchor
To ensure it doesn’t float away;
As my body depends totally on water
To sustain health, growth, life;
As a plant depends totally on light.
As my lungs depend totally on oxygen;
Not just requesting a little help
Every now and again
An optional extra.
This is different
Without it I’m sunk
Without you I’m nothing.
But often I don’t act like it.
Do I really believe
I depend on you to that extent?
Do I lean my full weight on you God?
Trusting you fully like oxygen or a parachute?
Or do I carry my own weight
Under the illusion of independence?
But functioning under that illusion
That I am holding myself and others together
Can I expose the illusion?
Dump the independence?
Embrace the reality
The strength in weakness
Of true dependence?
I want to.
God please help me
To ease my weight back into your arms
You won’t drop me.
You’ll do a better job
Than if I did it all myself.
That you’ll do immeasurably more.
The world says
Dependence is weakness
But it’s only foolish
If the person or thing you depend on
Might let you down
Or take advantage of you.
If they’re either
Or not good.
But what if the person you choose to depend on
Is always 100% strong
Always 100% good
Will never let you down
Will never take advantage of you?
Then apparent foolishness becomes wisdom
The apparent weakness becomes strength.
I want that wisdom.
But my mind is still so soaked
In the world’s wisdom
That it’s hard for me to lean my full weight
And trust this seemingly illogical wisdom.
But there, in the choice to lean
Is where fullness of life lies.
That’s where the ‘immeasurably more’ happens
When his power is at work in us.
And then there’s control
The control which keeps a firm grip
And leaves little room for dependence on God.
It turns out I’m more controlling than I thought
And that makes all this talk of dependence uncomfortable
Let alone the active practice of it
Of letting go
Admitting we need a parachute
Does not mean we are weaker than others
As if we could fall without one.
If we are all falling through life
Recognition and acceptance of a parachute
Acknowledging the true situation.
Saying we don’t need one
Is remaining in denial
But I slip into that denial so easily.
So now I want to climb out
Out of the denial
Into the reality
And seemingly illogical wisdom
Into the immeasurably more
Into the upside down strength
On you God.
Please show me how
Show me how.
—All poems and original writing on this blog is Copyright © Hilary Murdoch 2014